If I Die Young

Inspired by an article in the Oklahoma Daily, I decided to write a college bucket list. Why, you may ask? Because I feel like it's important to have short-term goals to keep things spontaneous and fun and stuff. Just go with it. So I devised a short list and encourage any ideas you may have to offer:
1) Ride in a hot-air balloon.
2) Try real sushi; the gross, raw kind.
3) Ride a horse.
4) Go camping, but for real. With tents and fires and dehydrated food and no bathing. That's how they do it, right?
5) Go on a road trip to at least 5 states, including South Dakota and Washington State.
6) Sky-Dive (cliche, I realize).
7) Meet a celebrity.
8) Have ONE amazing Spring Break!
9) Go at least one semester with a 4.0.
10) Learn to ski! (That means a trip to Colorado, right?!)

Suggestions appreciated!

It Is Well With My Soul.

This is about to be super vague, but here goes:

This is one of those times in life when your world is rocked by people and circumstances completely out of your control. You think about it all the time, even when you don't know you are. You stop feeling hungry. You randomly start crying like an idiot. You understand.

Needless to say, I need some serious prayers said for me and all the people in my life. It feels like me and everyone important to me is hurting for some reason or another and it's so exhausting. Does it ever end? There are few things I can talk about with a clear conscious but I'll let you in on the ones that are important to me: 

1) I will be completely devastated if I'm not able to be in Italy in January. I'm waiting on one more reference before my application's complete but that's not even why I'm worried. It seems like the card's are against me, what with my sister's wedding being next May (a week after I would return) and all the drama going on in my personal life. At what point are you allowed to be selfish and do things that are good for your soul without having to take in consideration everyone in the world's feelings?

2) So far, in the last month, I have had a fall job and an internship sort of fall through. It's so annoying to get excited about a resume-builder or an income only to have them stop maintaining communication. Like, they say, "You've got it. We'll be calling you." Then I don't hear from you. It can't be much more clear than that, now can it? 

3) I'm so, so tired of the commute to Norman already. Foreign languages at OU are five days a week; so on Tuesdays/Thursdays, I drive all the way to Norman for 50 minutes of Italian. Today, after the worst 12 hours ever, the awful parking on campus left me 10 minutes late for my first Italian Quiz. I missed the first 6 questions because they were audio questions and therefore missed 12 of 48 points without even getting to try. I left class just wanting to cry all over again. It was like every thing that could go wrong, went wrong, ya know? So I called Danielle and we went driving and got Sprittles. I swear, thank GOD for friends. 

I know all of this seems so trivial but there's just so, so much more. All that to say, I've been camping out at my grandparents and trying to sort through my stuff. I wish I could sit here and unload but I can't. If anyone's listening out there, just say a quick one tonight for me. I could use some help down here.

"Life is a succession of lessons that must be lived to be understood."

Helen Keller

Autobiographies

Perhaps you're wondering if The Help was any good. Ya know, that new movie with Emma Stone? Let me tell you right now: it was fantastic; albeit a complete bawl-buster. There's about 5 subplots featuring the different women and only ONE of them has any sort of happy ending. Basically, see this movie if you've had an awful week and you're feeling sorry for yourself. And if anyone is dying to see it or even a little curious at all, call me because I plan to see it several more times. And let it be noted: If I ever grow up to have a life that merits a screenplay, please make them cast Emma Stone as me! I just love her so much.

Also, did you know that weddings are completely overpriced? Who knew! I mean, this planning business has led me to start subconsciously planning my own (I know, I know, so sue me) and it's ridiculous how much money they cost. They can be the price of a new car or a down-payment on a small house or the cost of international adoption or a couple of years of college. GEEZ. Poor parents of girls. Now I don't blame those parents who engage in gender selection. Joke. Actually I do, because it contradicts my bio-ethical standards. But seriously, we have 3 girls in our family. I guess it'd only be polite to put off marriage for at least 5 years, right?

Burlap & Gold

Throughout my life, I have been blessed with friendships I consider uniquely beautiful. I have watched some grow from nothings into large somethings while other major somethings awkwardly digressed into nothings. I wish some wise, experienced person could tell me how to handle losing a major something. You know, those people you can't picture your life without. For as long as I can remember, I always knew my seasonal friends from my closest friends; but I also felt that the strength of my friendships were especially rare. God, in his infinite wisdom, placed people in my life who were inarguably fantastic and complemented my personality exactly. Anyone who knew us would agree that we were so similar. So how does one explain how you just fall out of friendship, like people fall out of love?

I've gotten over the fresh sting of losing them and I don't lose sleep or get disgustingly sentimental; but I can't even explain to the curious bystander how we unraveled years of spending vacations together, sharing everything down to a toothbrush, having an incestuous dating history, and giggling over the stupidest things until the wee hours of the morning.

Perhaps you've also heard it said:

"Some people weave burlap into the fabric of our lives, and some weave gold thread. Both contribute to make the whole picture beautiful and unique."


Is it possible, though, that a friendship that I always considered to be the gold thread, slowly became the piece of burlap?

Here Comes the Bride

Today I went to a wedding for a friend I've known since I was 6 years old. You know how people sometimes say, "That makes me feel old."? This made me feel old. Sometimes I think to myself, "This is normal. It's about the marrying time for your friends." . . . I'm 20 years old. I thought we were all modern and sticking-it-to-the-man -- waiting till we were successful and stable before marrying. No? I guess that's the part that makes me feel like the old maid: knowing that marriage and family are very far along in my timeline. The wedding was lovely, though, and I was happy to be here to celebrate this time with them.

Of course, now that a wedding is being planned for my sister, we're starting to be more attentive at weddings we attend. I was never so naive that I thought wedding planning was easy or simple. I always knew that they were expensive -- heck, we have THREE girls in my family. But the enormity of the project is starting to feel unnerving. We're looking for venues that are less popular; not undiscovered or anything, just not something we've seen ten other people do. Unfortunately, this really starts to limit things, especially since she wants an outdoor wedding. I've never been the girl to plan her wedding since junior high with colors and flowers and everything; but I am noticing that I have an opinion about every little thing that Cara picks out. I found myself giving advice on bridesmaids dresses and reception catering and music. Please pray that I, the maid of honor, don't become the bridezilla for my sister's wedding.

What's worse is, Lord willing, I'll be studying abroad this coming spring in Arezzo, Italy. If that follows through, I won't be here to throw showers and panty-parties and be the supportive shoulder when the chosen baker is booked or the venue is ruled out. It's hard to be the ideal bridesmaid when you're an ocean away. I seriously contemplated just studying abroad during a summer or trying to put it off for another time but I'm an International Business Major. Since I'm required to have an international experience, I want to make the most of it and be able to spend an extensive amount of time over there. How do you try not to be selfish when it's your resume and your dreams versus your sister's forever with someone else? My pony dream is to work in Italy at the American embassy. I don't care if I'm typing and filing, it's what I want to do for a little while. So if I don't study abroad in the spring, I'm really just putting off the inevitable.

Basically, the thought of helping Cara makes me want to put in Father of the Bride and hide under the blankets. And it's not even MY wedding. I'm becoming more and more convinced that eloping is golden.

Home

It took an extra week of playing tourist to finally be home and how does Oklahoma reward me? 110 degrees, guys? Really??

The vacation was actually really perfect. The family snuck up on me in the Norfolk airport and it was so great to see their beautiful faces! They had driven 24 hours straight to be able to pick me up (which is a long story in itself) so they were looking really tired and hungry and ready for a shower.

Our first stop was Williamsburg, Virginia. We stayed on site in Williamsburg Lodge, where the rooms looked dated and entertainment almost always included fifes and drums. We listened to Patrick Henry's address and heard the Declaration read by costumed colonials on the 4th. It was what Virginians called "hot" until the evening when it started pouring down rain. My family was so annoyed by all the natives complaining about their 90-95 degree weather and it wasn't until I got home that I truly understood why. It was a great 4th but I definitely missed spending it with my "family": the Drews, Pistoles, Caves, Staats, & Hamblins. I haven't missed an Independence Day celebration with them in years (or any other holiday for that matter).

William & Mary was walking distance from the Lodge so we looked around their "Campus Corner" of sorts. There are some neat shops and restaurants to browse so we spent one evening in that part of town. I always wonder if people who go to school that close to tourist attractions ever visit them. Probably not. Nevertheless, it was neat.

The next stop was Yorktown which is a shorter trip altogether. Their little museum has one of General Washington's tents and some replicas of boats that you can walk through. The really enlightening part was the tour we were given by an employee who gave a walk-through of the battle, which was pretty incredible. She knew her stuff, which is always nice when receiving a tour. We got to see Surrender Field and old cannons and stuff. The only thing that would've been better would've been receiving the tour from Mr. Uselton. Few people will understand what I mean when I say that.

My favorite, though, was visiting Jamestown. There are two locations: the original and the museum location. The museum location has an on site replication of both the Indian village and the colonial town. They also have 3-4 boats docked that you can look through but they seemed like cheesy fabrications, honestly. The original Jamestown was incredible, though! The archaeologists are digging what would've been the foundation of the original church right now. They can estimate the locations of graves within the church as well as the burial of various construction pieces because of the back-filling of the soil. They had already searched through old wells to find artifacts that were disposed of, some of them in great condition! Can you imagine -- 400 years later?? They also had a museum on the original site displaying a lot of their dig-findings. Chloe took forever going through it because she felt the need to read every single plaque. Come on, now, Chloe. Lol. The museum location was much more juvenile. They had canvas structures built (not teepees) that were filled with real furs and drying plants and other props that were supposed to be accurate representations. They stretched "hides" from various trees to show that the Indians used every part of the animal. Blah, blah, blah.

On our way to South Carolina, we stopped by two plantations: the Berkeley Plantation and the Shirley Plantation. I can tell you right now that I was tired and ready to sleep all the way to Hilton Head. So when my parents told me we'd be stopping to visit plantations, I wasn't too thrilled. I know what you're thinking: "You'll never be back out there. You can sleep for the rest of your life!" But when you're tired, you're not thinking about the rest of your life. We stopped at the Berkeley Plantation first: the home of the Harrison family -- the William Henry Harrison's, that is. Their history is really spotty in that house, what with generations dying in wars and McClellan's army taking up camp there and the Civil War not being too kind to it, either. The caretakers pride themselves on being the location responsible for the composing of "Taps," although I don't really know how you'd know something like that. As if every soldier was keeping a journal? It was a neat house and I was glad we stopped. Then they said we would be stopping at the Shirley Plantation, too. Seriously? Best decision ever. It was incredible. I won't go through all the history with you but basically, the house is still in the original Carter-Hill family to this day. It has survived both the Revolution and the Civil War and most of the furnishings are originals. The portraits are still intact and they have original cutlery and real silver. One of the Carter's married and built the Berkeley Plantation so everyone who was rich in Virginia was probably related. They're even still a functioning plantation, selling cotton, corn, and something else. Before we left, my dad asked the tour guide where the slaves quarters would have been. She said their location is about a mile away and that property is now owned by the neighbors. While we were driving back to the interstate, we made sure to pass by the neighbor's house and we saw a remaining slave house! I'm dead serious. All the windows were gone, the wood was rotting, and the weeds were overgrown. It was so eerie and mysterious-looking. I felt like a kid peeking in on something I shouldn't. Incredible, though, really.

The last two days were the beach! My first ever beach experience! It was sticky and humid. Our cameras wouldn't work and I got an awful sunburn. But it.was.fantastic. I can't explain how relaxing it is to stand in the water and let the waves toss you around. Me and Chloe stood out there for what seemed like hours and never got tired of it. My sisters and I got into a mud-fight, throwing the dirty sand at each other from the low tide we were standing in. To avoid a huge mud blob, I dove into what look like deep water but was only a wave's leftovers and got an awful sandburn on my side. It looks awful and the salt water kept stinging for the next two days. I saw my first jellyfish and we played with the ones that had washed up overnight. They felt rubbery and fake; Chloe was just scared that they were going to sting her, even after trying to convince her they'd been dead for hours. The beach is perfect, but after 7 weeks, I just wanted my own bed.

Ben and Rachel had done the house-sitting and Boston proved to be his usual self. He was so happy to see us when we got home but he was still giving us the cold-shoulder for leaving him. He spends his time following us from room to room, cutting his eyes at us. I don't know how many dog treats it will take to win back his affections but I refuse to continue to give them.

"Another airplane, another sunny place. I'm lucky I know, but I want to go home."

P.S. If you're looking for an easy read, check out the autobiography of Laura Bush: Spoken From the Heart. It's precious.

Bon Voyage, D.C.

It's my very last day in SR 172. How do you sum up 6 weeks of hard work? You're probably wondering what I've learned so far on this journey but if you're not, I'll tell you anyway.

First of all, I've learned that I have no idea what I want to do with my life but that's okay. There are incredible opportunities that people choose to skip because they are ready to settle down and get serious. But I can't wait to spend the rest of my life not knowing what I'm going to do next! I can think of nothing more fulfilling than risking contentment for adventure. I found out that when I listened to other people talk about their law school plans and their graduate school plans, they didn't look like they were making these plans with a thirst for knowledge, but with a thirst for success. Through talking with Dr. Coburn this week, I felt like I was let in on a little secret: the people who are really wanting to change the world aren't looking for a promotion and they certainly aren't worried about popularity. This selflessness is such a fundamental concept but it's something I think people have to figure out for themselves. And I think I have. But I'll let you in on a little secret: I've seen few men talk with such a sincere attitude of complete peace. I hope someday I can find that.

Second, law school is slowly becoming a joke. Our health care LA, Josh, sat with us yesterday after the AOP (Awkward Office Party) and asked what we wanted to do with our lives. One of the interns said, "Law School" and Josh immediately took the opportunity to dissect that decision. Josh worked for the late Bush administration and basically had the job of hiring all the staff (I think he said that made up about 3,000 people). He said the most common interview went a little like this: "I'm an attorney. I'm 40 years old. I have a wife, a minivan, three kids, and job where I work 80 hours a week for too little. I realized I don't want to spend the rest of my life doing what I'm doing." These days, everyone goes to law school. And they really aren't interested in practicing law, but they would rather sit on the degree and use that knowledge to land "any job they want." Dr. Coburn talked about the very same thing. The amount of attorneys has "diluted the pool." They said that we should go for our MBA instead or just consider a Masters in something else. I've been encouraged to consider law school for as long as I can remember but I really want to make sure I don't waste time on a degree that I don't plan to use while I just acquire more debt. Not to mention wasting 3 years of valuable life. There are plenty of other ways to become successful.

I love being surrounded by people who care about their Work. I don't mean work that's punching a time card. I mean Work that is driven by patriotism or anything else that is based on conviction. And for that, I feel like I spent my summer in the right office. No one else in this building is as interested in pulling our nation out of debt by making decisions that are hard but necessary. It was so neat to see our office meeting with Lieberman's last week and wondering what they were working on, all to then see the end result. Not everyone agrees on it, but that's the beauty of it! Our nation was created with debate in mind. Our creators wanted Congress to be a process that was slow and contemplative. And this office is full of people who want just that! It makes coming in to work for free easier, answering constituent calls much more rewarding, and going home much more sad.

Lastly, I've noticed that as I've aged, the years start to go by more quickly. You know the feeling where you feel like you just packed away the Christmas decorations and it's already the day after Thanksgiving? That's what I'm talking about. This 6 week process is already over and in another 6 weeks, I'll be back in school. Yet I still find myself ready to crawl in bed at night when I've spent my day doing nothing extraordinary. My goal is to be more adventurous and stop setting my immediate goals so low. Why should I wait till next spring when I'm studying abroad to get excited about something? Why can't I do little things that excite me along the way? So that's the plan: to not wait so long to be happy so I can say every Christmas, "It's been a great year."

I just know that everything's going to work out and because of that, I'm not as scared of being unsure about my future career and slow about deciding what I want to do. And all of those things are what make me patriotic: the unlimited amount of paths available to me, my optimism for the people who work in this city, and the refreshed spirit I am taking home with me. I have loved every moment. I can't wait for my next adventure.