76 Big Ones

For some time now my best friend Danielle has been posting numbers on my profile. "200," "164," "117." Perhaps you noticed these random number posts or perhaps you didn't. I'm sure, though, that you're at least a little curious now that I've told you about it, right? For over half a year, we have been counting down the days to our awesome adventure! Our most recent number? 76! Can you believe it!? 76 days away from a semester of bliss! To countdown with us, click on the button below!



For those of you who don't already know, I'm kind of weird. That is, I sometimes have what the world would call "weird taste." But hey, the world needs color, right? I listen to Celtic music; more specifically Celtic Thunder. There it is. I said it. I'm not even ashamed. The exciting part is that Aubrey and I are going to see Celtic Thunder this weekend at some casino! I couldn't be more thrilled, mostly because I get to see Keith Harkin, who is my Celtic Thunder crush. What? You didn't expect them to be ugly, did you? Actually, I'm just hoping that Mr. Harkin proposes . . . Too far?

Not bad, right? You thought he'd be ugly, huh? Nope. Helloooo, Keithy :)

Annnd, one more for the road, people. In honor of Halloween:

What Are Men Compared to Rocks and Mountains?

We've passed the halfway point, people! We are now less than eight weeks from the end of the semester -- which is quite shocking, actually. For those of you who didn't already know, this is "la mia stagione preferita," or my favorite season, for a lot of reasons. 

We'll start with the most obvious: Pumpkin Spice Lattes are back, y'all. Unfortunately, when I take the time to consider the calorie intake, I only end up drinking 1-2 all season, but still, it's cause for celebration. Maybe you don't like pumpkin spice lattes? Well, to that I'd say 1) you're crazy; 2) insert your favorite herbal tea or coffee flavor here. Every hot drink is more appreciated. The very act of using a mug seems a little more validated. You understand.

Obviously, autumn sees a significant temperature change. This is the main reason that fall is my favorite season. My friend Justin and I resolved last year that moving to Washington state is a must for people like us; that is, people who sweat when they're swimming. I love feeling crisp, harsh wind on my face and while other people are wearing peacoats, I'm wearing a cardigan, and sometimes, even short-sleeves.

Candles. There's nothing like the smell of pumpkin pie and cinnamon spice filling up every corner of your house to make you feel festive 24/7.

Oddly enough, death. There's something peculiarly natural about the entire world shedding its skin and dying so that the spring is extra-inviting. And although it's only pretty while the leaves are changing, I'm not appalled when the grass turns that nasty shade of pale yellow.

I'm sure you have your own reasons for loving autumn, or maybe you don't. Nevertheless, treasure it! Because it usually ends up feeling/being the shortest of them all. 

     This past weekend, I ended up being a "sponsor" on the Fall Retreat at the last minute. I put sponsor in quotations because if you know me at all, you know that sometimes I have to be scolded for being as obnoxious as the junior-highers that I'm supposed to be overseeing. It ended up feeling short -- which is sad because it was the most fun I've had in awhile. A lot of the kids weren't able to attend for one reason or another (it being fall break that weekend) but we seemed to make the best of it. 

     I learned to play Mafia, which is a really fun and addicting card game that has absolutely nothing to do with cards. I'm being really clear, aren't I? We had fart-making contests -- with our mouths, of course. I won, naturally. If you ask me to demonstrate the next time I see you, I just might grace you with my award-winning fart. We went hiking, of course, since we were at QMCC. Usually we just hike Young's Mountain since it's on campus and the trails are really obvious. This time J took us to some of the surrounding hills and we got to spread out and go where we wanted. I was with Shawna, who if you didn't already know, is a beast. She's that girl that goes to "Boot Camp" at 5a.m. during the week and has mythological calves. True story. This hill feels like a 90 degree angle and homegirl's sprinting up the mountain. Seriously? I don't kid myself, I went into this adventure knowing that I'm out of shape but apparently I'm REALLY out of shape. We had Brandon and Zach with us (two 12-year-olds) and they're poor legs weren't long enough for our strides. Here's one I took of them -- look how tiny they are compared to the rock!

You wouldn't believe the sea of cacti that we happened upon. One of the quills went through my shoe and sock and I had to stop, remove my shoe, and extract it before we could move on. Needless to say, seeing the top was rewarding. From the picture it looks like nothing, but we were so high and the view was lovely. 

And most importantly, I learned a lot. Mostly about myself and what I need to fix and change about me. Usually I'm so busy staring at a chalkboard and pouring over textbooks that I really don't have much time for reflection and self-evaluation, which some would argue is the superior education. Something I took away this weekend -- what sometimes seems like an overused verse but seemed to be what I needed to hear:

"You have searched me, LORD, and you know me. 

You know when I sit and when I rise; 

you perceive my thoughts from afar.  

You discern my going out and my lying down;

you are familiar with all my ways.  

Before a word is on my tongue you, LORD, know it completely.  

You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me.

 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, 

too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit?

 Where can I flee from your presence?

If I go up to the heavens, you are there;  

if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. 

If I rise on the wings of the dawn, 

if I settle on the far side of the sea, 

even there your hand will guide me, 

your right hand will hold me fast."

Psalm 139

Who me? I'm Italian.

Here's the good news: I will be STUDYING ABROAD IN AREZZO, ITALY in the spring! Go ahead: scream and dance to yourself -- I know you're as thrilled as I am. And I won't be too upset and if you walk up to me with an Amanda Knox joke or even a Taken joke, although that movie's been out a while and I'm not even going to Paris. Of course, now that the endless amount of paperwork, deadlines, and planning has started, it seems as if I added another class to my schedule. Last Friday, I received an email saying, "Congrats on Italy. Due a week from today is your deposit, airfare, and visa application." Well, hello stress, I'm Courtney. But it's hard to even get frustrated for more than 2 seconds because the reward will be overwhelmingly perfect. 

As for the rest of life? You know that feeling where you're excited for something in the future so you're not even paying attention to life going on around you? Welcome to my life. It's a crazy, endless thing. Aside from that major update, I really don't have anything else to write home about, so I'll leave you with 3 pictures from my family's fall photo shoot. We're adorable, I know. I will say, though, that will all the color, it looks like we could be a poster in a preschool classroom. :) 

And one just for fun . . . 

Thank you Ketron Photography, Courtesy of Taylor Ketron!

Someone Like You

You know what's exhausting? Disappointing people without being able to do a single thing about it. The same person has been pursuing me for three years. I tried being gentle, I tried being subtle, I tried being absent. Still, they're persistent in a way that's hard to avoid. It's not that I find this person undateable or not-for-me. You have to know that we are so similar and he makes me laugh harder than anyone in the world. It's rare that someone is able to be that for me -- usually I'm the one that brings this quality to the table. But I can't date him. And there are several reasons for this. I realize that these are the topics you leave for your journal, not your blog; but I'm convinced that my audience is rather small so I'm not particularly worried. :)


Reason 1: I don't want to feel even slightly inhibited while I'm playing in Europe. I don't plan to meet anyone, nor will I be looking; but I'd be going with 20 other Sooners. Four months is a long time to be away from someone and still feel obligated to check in or, supposing I do meet someone, feel like I can't/shouldn't pursue that. You may be wondering why I didn't date him sooner, given that we've been talking for three years. The answer to that is multi-faceted. He's younger than me, we live in completely different worlds, and we value different things in the people we want to date. I feel like both of us have some growing up to do in different parts of our lives and I really don't want to be someone else's guinea pig.


Reason 2: How do you tell someone that the way they feel about you, you have spent all that time feeling about someone else? I've tried to think of a million ways to say that and there's no easy or gentle way to do it. Although I feel like I've done a decent job of avoiding leading him on, it's inevitable that he feel that he was lead on. To him, he probably feels like he's wasted three years of his life waiting on me to come around when he could've been dating other people. When it comes down to it, I know exactly how he feels; but it's always been someone else for me.  It's heartbreaking and it's infuriating. But that's what it is.

Bouquet of Papermates

Where to start!

School is picking up and it reminds me of that scene in You've Got Mail where Tom Hanks says, "I would send you a bouquet of newly-sharpened pencils if I knew your name and address." I always thought that was so charming and fitting because, honestly, who doesn't go out and buy new pencils every August 18th? I know I do. I've never been the kind of person who just loves college. I dreaded it, which wasn't fair because I probably prophesied it's suckiness and never really gave it a chance. I've actually found that I miss being able to roll out of bed and rush to class; now I leave two hours before class starts in order to have time for driving and parking. Pity me yet? Also, who knew that I would be pitiful when it came to learning another language? I just don't exercise that part of my brain enough, I guess. I'm trying so hard at this Italian thing but it's just not sticking. 

Today, Friday the 23rd, was the official deadline for the OU in Arezzo Program applications. I cannot WAIT to find out if I'll be spending the spring semester in Italy!! Before you become skeptical, it's not that big of a deal that I'm awful at Italian and going to Italy. . . That's sounds paradoxical because it is. But I figure that between the oh-so-expressive Italians and my loudness and big gestures, we'll understand each other perfectly. Hakuna Matata, right? Well, IF I do go, this is one place I can't wait to visit. It's Manarola, one of the Cinque Terre cities. Beautiful, isn't it? Il Dolce Far Niente. The Sweetness of Doing Nothing. 

Also, can I please just say that it is not classy to text someone your feelings for them? That seems like common sense because it is. Even if I don't even bring up how un-chivalrous (not a word, I realize) that is or how lazy it looks, lets not forget the fact that it's just too easy. I can't imagine ever considering dating someone who thought it was okay to drop cyber-bombs on people. What happened to taking risks? To me, showing that you have nerve is the first step to getting the first date (or at least closer to it). I know what you're thinking -- all this talk from the girl who isn't dating anyone. But seriously, I can't even count on two hands the number of times I've gotten asked out via text/facebook just this year. Ridiculous. I must have been born in the wrong era if I expected chivalry.

I suppose I'll leave you with Adele, because one of those cyber-bombs came to me in the form of lyrics this week. Enjoy!

                                                       "You know how the time flies. 

Only yesterday it was the time of our lives.

We were born and raised

In a summer haze

Bound by the surprise of our glory days

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited

But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.

I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded

That for me it isn't over."

If I Die Young

Inspired by an article in the Oklahoma Daily, I decided to write a college bucket list. Why, you may ask? Because I feel like it's important to have short-term goals to keep things spontaneous and fun and stuff. Just go with it. So I devised a short list and encourage any ideas you may have to offer:
1) Ride in a hot-air balloon.
2) Try real sushi; the gross, raw kind.
3) Ride a horse.
4) Go camping, but for real. With tents and fires and dehydrated food and no bathing. That's how they do it, right?
5) Go on a road trip to at least 5 states, including South Dakota and Washington State.
6) Sky-Dive (cliche, I realize).
7) Meet a celebrity.
8) Have ONE amazing Spring Break!
9) Go at least one semester with a 4.0.
10) Learn to ski! (That means a trip to Colorado, right?!)

Suggestions appreciated!

It Is Well With My Soul.

This is about to be super vague, but here goes:

This is one of those times in life when your world is rocked by people and circumstances completely out of your control. You think about it all the time, even when you don't know you are. You stop feeling hungry. You randomly start crying like an idiot. You understand.

Needless to say, I need some serious prayers said for me and all the people in my life. It feels like me and everyone important to me is hurting for some reason or another and it's so exhausting. Does it ever end? There are few things I can talk about with a clear conscious but I'll let you in on the ones that are important to me: 

1) I will be completely devastated if I'm not able to be in Italy in January. I'm waiting on one more reference before my application's complete but that's not even why I'm worried. It seems like the card's are against me, what with my sister's wedding being next May (a week after I would return) and all the drama going on in my personal life. At what point are you allowed to be selfish and do things that are good for your soul without having to take in consideration everyone in the world's feelings?

2) So far, in the last month, I have had a fall job and an internship sort of fall through. It's so annoying to get excited about a resume-builder or an income only to have them stop maintaining communication. Like, they say, "You've got it. We'll be calling you." Then I don't hear from you. It can't be much more clear than that, now can it? 

3) I'm so, so tired of the commute to Norman already. Foreign languages at OU are five days a week; so on Tuesdays/Thursdays, I drive all the way to Norman for 50 minutes of Italian. Today, after the worst 12 hours ever, the awful parking on campus left me 10 minutes late for my first Italian Quiz. I missed the first 6 questions because they were audio questions and therefore missed 12 of 48 points without even getting to try. I left class just wanting to cry all over again. It was like every thing that could go wrong, went wrong, ya know? So I called Danielle and we went driving and got Sprittles. I swear, thank GOD for friends. 

I know all of this seems so trivial but there's just so, so much more. All that to say, I've been camping out at my grandparents and trying to sort through my stuff. I wish I could sit here and unload but I can't. If anyone's listening out there, just say a quick one tonight for me. I could use some help down here.

"Life is a succession of lessons that must be lived to be understood."

Helen Keller