Peace and Blessings

We were sitting in the food court at Penn Square Mall, which is something I hate doing due to lack of cleanliness and the fact that I usually end up watching the food roll around in people's mouths. Attractive. It's a good place to people-watch sometimes, though. You could compare it to sitting in one of those old-fashioned hair dryers and pretending to read People Magazine while you hear about Jenny's date on Saturday with the average-looking guy from Marketing. The equally entertaining but generally easier option is the food court. I was enjoying my luke-warm Chick-fil-a when my mom, with tears in her eyes, said, "See that man over there (points)? He works in the shoe department at Macy's and every time I see him, I just get so sad. I wonder if he's alone." Keep in mind that my mother cries often -- I think it has to do with aging but the fact that a Macy's clerk was making her cry wasn't so abnormal.

Later that day, we saw him working the shoe department and being super polite and helpful, etc. My mind continued to linger on that curiosity. Does he have kids? What does he do on Friday nights if he's by himself? Because loneliness is something that everyone struggles with from time to time. I wondered what it would be like to be 60+ and, knowing that you're on the downhill side of life's timeline, be looking at the finality of death without anyone standing next to you. That's a harsh reality if you think about it.

I found out today that my pawpaw has a mass on one of his lungs. Keep in mind that this man is one of the most precious people created by God. It's easy to say in times of fear or loss or grief or anxiousness that someone is/was "one of the most influential people in your life." But please know that this man competes for the title of Most Influential Person in Courtney's Life, and probably wins most days. I know that God tries to teach me lessons that I sometimes ignore; but I'm confident that my grandpa speaks to me through a God that is using him to reach me. Because there are few people whose words I revere so highly. Now we don't know if the mass is benign or malignant -- at this point, I'm not filled with worry -- because he hasn't even had a biopsy yet. He's so upbeat and at peace and I know that whatever lies in store for us, I feel blessed to know such a brilliant and beautiful soul.

I hope you, whoever you are, are acutely aware of those blessings disguised as people. Our bodies are merely houses for the souls that we love, which is a strange and scary and vulnerable thing; but a reality that we are forced to adapt and submit to.

Boomer Sooner

Are you there? Are you listening? 

If you're even remembering to check this blog now that I'm safely home, you're wondering why I'm updating it. "You're home, Courtney." I know, I know. It's just that I got so used to posting about my life's happenings that dropping off the face of the Bloggosphere seemed a little unnatural. It's been a short three months since I boarded the plane at Roma Fiumicino and, let me tell you, it has drug by. Three months. That's a fourth of a year! The changes I saw in myself are slowly drifting away and I'm almost back to ordinary, post-adventure Courtney, who would just-as-soon sit on the couch with a rom-com than go out and enjoy the fresh air. These are terrifying updates to admit, I assure you. 

At first, I'd say I was a little shell-shocked. How could you not be? I was staring at this strange, tall robot that everyone was calling the "Devon Tower" and trying to understand why everyone was freaking out about the Thunder -- isn't basketball season supposed to over? I was a little unnerved by highways so when my dad tossed me the keys at the airport to drive Zorro home, I wasn't sure if that was the wisest decision. I had toned up my legs and arms from all the activity in Arezzo but all my hard work slowly slipped away when I had a car at my disposal. I lost weight in Italy but gained it in America. No surprise there. Without encouraging a reputation of impropriety, I must say that I was a little shocked at my inability to easily and casually obtain alcohol. I'm not a drunk but "why can't I just go take a beer to the park?" This question puzzled me persistently. 

I really didn't have a lot of time to sort through these internalized questions because, well, I was going to have a new brother in two weeks. That's right, my sister got married merely 13 days after my return. There were things that she insisted on waiting to begin until she could hear my opinion, which, while sweet, was a little senseless. Things like flowers, programs, jewelry. Ya know, just a 4 page 'Honey Do' list. No bitterness or anything, but I'll be waiting awhile to subject myself to mindless matrimony. Although, while a little off-subject, it's worth noting that I believe people are beginning to encourage life-partners upon me at my youthful 21 years. Why on God's green earth would I even entertain the thought at my age? For as Mrs. Marcia says, "Graduation, first." And for all I know, there might be two graduations in my future first. Anyway, many heartfelt Congratulations to Mr. and Mrs. Maldonado, who are now expecting a baby... Just kidding. Do I still have your attention?

Other than that, the summer has been lazy and hot. I got an internship that began a short 3 weeks ago through Whiz Kids for the fall and spring semesters. Whiz Kids is a faith-based, non-profit out of OKC that promotes literacy in elementary students by pairing them with a tutor that will mentor them (hopefully) throughout elementary and intermediate schools. It's a small staff but there's a lot to do and I love the people I see every day. God's doing great things through this program -- it now supports 26 schools in the area and is growing every year. My work is sometimes merely clerical but also includes some special projects so I'm still challenged.

I move back to Norman a week from today and I've barely started packing. No surprise there, right? I'm getting the itch to be in a classroom again and see all of my Arezzo friends. I can't wait to see what this next academic year has in store for me. 

Paradise

My heart is breaking a little more every day. The students are starting to trickle away -- the first of us left earlier this afternoon. Two of my favorites are leaving Thursday morning and I'm just at a loss of what I'm supposed to say exactly. 

Chloe turned 15 on Saturday, which is a little surreal for me considering that I remember the day she was born. Every time I blink she's a different person and I've had a hard time reconciling the fact that I missed an entire semester of her life. In my guilt, I made her a video that was not only fun to make, but fun to share:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CI8ol0e4nIk&feature=results_video&lr=1&ob=0

This last weekend was our trip to Sorrento/Capri/Pompeii. We started in Pompeii and listened while Kirk lectured for what felt like forever. We learned a lot and enjoyed our time there but were itching for some beach. We all stayed at the same hostel, which ended up being a campsite. We had 3-man cabins and all stayed in the same little village. So ensued the title Camp Arezzo, which none of us can think of without getting a little bit misty. 

Saturday we went to Capri and took in all the beauty around us. All I kept thinking when I saw the island was that it looked like the island on King Kong. I expected palm trees and beachy weather and outfits but it was a totally different kind of island experience. Most of the time, it just felt like I was on the coast of the mainland. We went through the city in the three tiers: the port, Capri, and Anacapri. As you go farther up the hill, the island becomes less commercial. We spent the day shopping and eating. BUT the best part of the day was when we went to the small beach. It's the beginning of May so the water is ice cold. I told my friends that there was no way I was leaving without jump straight into the Mediterranean. So I did, and it was colllld. By the end, everyone was jumping into the ocean in their clothes. We were so, so happy!

The whole weekend went by really quickly and we were all dreading going back home because Kirk's paper was coming up. I chose to do mine over Michelangelo's Last Judgment. It's not that the subject matter was difficult -- it's probably the easiest topic to find information on. It's just that the paper was supposed to be 7 pages and 1 and a half spacing. I thought I was supposed to be studying abroad, aka traveling?? We've all been super stressed about it all and we had our Italian language final on Tuesday. Which is a perfect segue into my next topic....

Monday was my 21st birthday! As previously mentioned, we were so stressed with finals that my entire birthday was spent working on Kirk's paper. We had a meeting that morning and my friends showed up with a pastry with candles in it and a cappuccino. That night, they all bought my dinner and brought me wine. We waited until today to celebrate though since we were all done with our papers. My friends and I had a potluck picnic in Cortona. We had pecorino cheeses, grapes, strawberries, bread, champagne and bruschetta! We were so full that we were falling asleep. A couple of us ended up buying new leather purses before heading back to Arezzo. 

Tonight we met at the Marco Perennio apartment for a dinner of mussels and pasta. We all just sat around playing music and being reminiscent. I have never been more scared to lose a group of people in my life. I just want time to stop right now. I love these people -- they have become such a part of my life journey. Have I already told you how much my heart is breaking? I think that's the way it's supposed to be, though. I'm supposed to fall in love with this place and my friends. I'm supposed to be sick about leaving. It's the sign that I did what I came here to do. I hope that everyone I know experiences something that changes them so greatly.

My heart is sinking as I'm lifting up above the clouds away from you

I can't believe I'm leaving, I don't know what I'm going to do

But someday, I will find my way back to where your name is written in the sand

'Cause I remember every sunset

I remember every word you said

We were never going to say goodbye

Tell me how to get back to paradise with you

And I'll be there in a heartbeat

Alive

Danielle and I took a little day trip to Pisa and Lucca on Saturday. The famous leaning tower is . . . still leaning. Surprise, surprise. We walked through the city, which is quaint and small. Their Duomo was beautiful and the Baptistery had a ten-second echo, which was really impressive. The security guard comes out every 30 minutes and sings for about 2 minutes. By the time she sings a scale, she's creating harmony with her voice(s). We caught the train over to Lucca and rode bikes along the city walls. We had lunch at a charming pizza place, sipped wine and watched a ridiculous break-dancing competition. The weather broke 80 degrees, which is impressive, I assure you, seeing as how it poured rain again all today. It was the best day and I told Danielle that when my birthday is going on and we're too busy working on finals, I would be willing to call that my birthday. It was just one of those days. I was happy.

 I'm getting this tightness in my chest. I'm moved to tears every time I think of leaving this beautiful place and the beautiful people that I've grown to love. I've gained more than just pounds and a love for carbs, believe me. I've gained a world view, a love of being amazed, a love of meeting people I can connect with on some seemingly insignificant level. I have had my moments that made my heart ached for parts of home, but now I'm having moments that I just ache to think of saying goodbye. I have 12 days and I keep doing the math in my head: by the time I subtract this weekend's travel (3 days), homework/final exams (3 days) and packing and cleaning my apartment for departure, I'm left with absolutely no time. Nothing is more devastating than knowing that it may be a very long time before I breathe Tuscan air.

I've found that I have an irresistible urge to do big things. I want to see it all and do it all. I want to see the castles of Germany, ski in the Alps, ride a camel in Turkey, see an elephant in India, sing with children in Africa. Is that wrong? It's kind of an expensive hobby, isn't it? I have seen only a small tease of the many wonders of God and I know there's more. I've seen things that can't be bought or sold, only felt; and I want nothing more than to feel them. It's not just a travel bug or an itch for adventure, it's want I want to do with my life. And I'm determined.

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

Divinely Favored

I felt Tuscany today. I mean, really felt it. You know in the movies when you picture those clay Tuscan roof tiles; the tall, skinny trees; the fields of flowers; the smell of rich, ancient dirt? Today was all of those things and more. We had a long winter, a week and a half of those "April showers" and now, it's what Oklahomans would consider shorts-weather. I prophesied that it would be at the very end of the semester that I fell in love with this place. I was right. And I am. 

Wednesday, the 25th, was the 4th of July in Italy, the day Italians celebrate their liberation from Mussolini and his fascist party and the Germans, who were driven north out of Italy. The Italians were out of school for the day (we were not so lucky) and the city was alive! We had our Illicit Trafficking presentations that day and, true to form, I talked for 10 minutes longer than my allotted time. There were 4 group presentations and each group was required to speak for an hour. That was the longest class day of my entire life. I am in no hurry to relive that experience. 

Today, though, is the day we all dread. It's the day for our "Getting to Know Arezzo" class, where we spend about 3 hours doing something around town. We only have 5 of these classes per semester and today was our last. So far we've spent a day studying the famous Joust of Arezzo, we've studied the Madonna del Conforto on the day that her holiday was celebrated in town, participated in the Slow Food Movement (we had 5 courses -- yum!) and then there's today. 

Today, in honor of the Liberation Day festivities, we went to San Polo, a town that was invaded by the Germans in 1944. We began the class by watching a documentary on the massacre at San Polo, where German forces being driven out of the south of Italy by Allied forces came through that little town and killed 48 people, including most of the men, some elderly, and at least one pregnant woman. The documentary was in Italian and the actors were locals so the children on the screen (not knowing the severity of the subject matter) were laughing while German soldiers were chasing them with guns. It was at the end, though, where they showed the footage retrieved from English archives when you saw the decomposed bodies later excavated from the unmarked graves for inspection that it really became sort of eerie. San Polo is as insignificant as Luther. If you're not paying attention, you might drive right by without even noticing. There aren't any stores -- just fields and houses. It was only a 10 minute drive from Arezzo so we all piled into different cars and headed up the side of the Apennines. The little unpaved square remains untouched since the end of that tragedy. There is no huge annoying plaque that people flock to or an admission fee that pays for the upkeep. It's privately owned property and the owners leave it alone. The buildings where the people were temporarily held hostage were not given fresh coats of paint and there were not new doors on the hinges. It was the same old houses, begging to be forgotten. In a small grove under the shade of the trees that had seen it all, there's a little clearing where men were forced to dig the graves where they later would be buried in bulk. The grass isn't mowed, there are no flowerbeds. The place is at peace, as I think we all silently agreed it should be.  We placed our white roses on the brilliantly green grass and left it as we found it.  

My mom, in her all-knowing wisdom, always reminds me that I will one day understand the gravity of death. She says I don't know now because I have too much life ahead of me; but one day, I'll start to realize how quickly life literally flies forward. I've been more than lucky to never feel a shockingly grave threat to my safety. By sheer luck, I was thrown into 1991 in Midwest City. Sheer luck. But today I witnessed the effects of a horrific and sad act of violence. What did I do to deserve my luck? Nothing. I'm blessed, right? But that's the thing about seeing other people's tragedy. It leaves you feeling like you don't deserve your blessed fate. 

Something about being here makes me feel kind of foolish. I can assure you that it doesn't take going to Africa or a 2nd or 3rd world country to be humbled. Life is slow, people love hard. Being here has made me want to cook for, spend time with, and smother the people in my life with love; because isn't that what God has granted me under the alias of "Study Abroad Program?" The opportunity to witness some of the most beautiful wonders that man has ever seen with some beautiful souls. I am not only blessed. I am divinely favored.

I met in the street a very poor young man who was in love. His hat was old, his coat worn, his cloak was out at the elbows, the water passed through his shoes, - and the stars through his soul.
Victor Hugo

Respect

Five days. In five days you can put in a 40-hour work week, sell a car on Craigslist, or even drive from one side of the United States to the other. You cannot, however, live without the world wide web. Before you insert some anecdote about how you "walked uphill both ways to and from school" and whatnot, it's not just that I can't use my social networking websites. I also cannot check my email for important school messages or even do research for my upcoming group project. Or procrastinate by downloading free movies. We've had to take advantage of school office hours to use the computers and are spending the weekend in and out of our professor's basement for wifi. It's probably some form of karma, forcing us to "get out" and "enjoy the fresh air" or something. But since this week has been one of constant showers, it seems rather impossible. You're wondering, "Have you done something about it?" Funny you should ask! Italian companies are apparently even worse than American ones about house calls. We can call Monday about getting help but I think we are expected to be indefinitely patient. 

The rest of the week has been great! We had a faculty-in-residence event where we brought our own meat and all grilled out together. Danielle and I brought hamburgers and fixins -- you don't even know how exciting it will be to be able to eat real beef. There's such a difference, you don't even know. Our professor played her iPod the whole time and it kind of turned into karaoke night. Some of the students got some footage and I will be super embarrassed when it ends up on the group video at the end of the semester. If you know me at all, you can imagine what my lipsync to Aretha's Respect probably looked like. Processing? Yeah, it was too far. 

Today we participated in OU's Big Event from here in Italy. It's a day dedicated to community service of different kinds. We spent the morning attempting to clean up our sister campus, The University of Siena in Arezzo. We started at 9am and were given trashbags and brooms. I don't think I ever mentioned this but Italian brooms don't look like the ones we buy at Wal-Mart. They look more like the Wicked Witch's broom or a Quidditch broom with all those twiggy, disheveled branches for the sweeping. We were walking to our designated area when the downpour started. It's been one of those weeks where the rain comes in 15 minutes spurts with 10 minute breaks in between. Needless to say, there was a lot of repetitive starting and stopping with little actual progress. It was nice to spend some time together considering we only have 22 DAYS LEFT HERE!!! That seems sooo unreal.

Bella Notte

I wish there was a well-known movie that accurately represented Naples for what it is: a city with no apparent trash collecting system and a place that makes wearing a cross-body bag with hidden compartments for your money absolute necessary. We got off the train at 10pm for our field trip. It was a foggy and wet night and the train station isn't exactly in the posh part of town so my teacher was walking behind the rest of us like a shepherd herding his flock. We walked in a few circles before finding the hotel that the President of the European College of International Studies recommended to us personally. I'm convinced, based on the whole experience, that he probably has never seen that hotel in his life. We had a late dinner at the hotel, not unlike the true Italian way, at 10:30pm. I have never been so untempted (and yes, I know "untempted" is not a word) to finish a meal in my life. Dessert was, drumroll please, fruit. Literally, a wire basket of apples and oranges. The head waiter tried to charge us €90 for the evening's wine, which consisted of a liter of red house wine for every 6 people, totaling 4 liters. Lucio said "no" and the waiter came back offering €50 instead. I think they settled on something even lower but it was a ridiculous suggestion in the first place considering the quality of the meal.

It was up with the sun on Wednesday for the three meetings we had scheduled. Our meetings with NATO and customs officials were unfortunately cancelled. I was so looking forward to NATO, too. It was a long day, broken up by our lunch at this delicious pizzeria -- I feel like I've eaten enough pizza here to be allowed to say that it was definitely fantastic. The city had trash heaps taller than me, smelled bad and I never felt safe until I was sitting in my seat with my validated ticket and headed back to Arezzo. I saw some of the "pretty" and "old" parts of Naples, too, though none of it compared to some of the prettier places I've been. 

By the time I arrived in Arezzo at 11pm on Wednesday night, I hadn't fully relaxed since before our trip to Nice. I was really tired but had an Italian Quiz the next morning so I stayed up to "study" for that. Since I hadn't seen Danielle in 24 hours (pathetic, I realize), we had a lot to talk about so bedtime ended up being at about 3am.

It's a rare thing for Danielle and I to not go somewhere -- anywhere -- on the weekends but our professor had planned something special last night. He had organized a trip to Florence to go see an opera at St. Mark's English Church. We got dolled up in our dresses and curled hair and stepped out onto the soaked streets, where at least my hair instantly went flat as a board. I guess not everyone can have the best curly-haired genes. It was in a small place without a stage that looked like a space for a dinner theatre without dinner. That sort of thing. The Marriage of Figaro was on the agenda for the evening and the host was a complete gem. He was witty and clever -- at one point, Leanna was taking a picture (with her flash off) and he strikes a pose for the camera, completely embarrassing her but causing the entire crowd to die laughing. The characters were hilarious, which makes sense since it was a comedy. Sense since. That was unintentional. Anyway, great late evening. We spent the ride back playing a million mind-teasing games, annoying all the rest of the people in the car. It's nights like these that I'll look back on with a smile, I think. Everyone together, having great fun and knowing that we'll be heartbroken to leave this place, where we are but a very small piece in a very large puzzle. 

Ponte Vecchio a notte

With only 28 days left (eeek!), course loads will be picking up. I have 3 enormous projects/papers due that will require anywhere from 20-25 pages of writing from me. I'm having trouble focusing, especially since my grades in those classes are, so far, safe. AND it's much more fun to travel and play, right?