It Is Well With My Soul.

This is about to be super vague, but here goes:

This is one of those times in life when your world is rocked by people and circumstances completely out of your control. You think about it all the time, even when you don't know you are. You stop feeling hungry. You randomly start crying like an idiot. You understand.

Needless to say, I need some serious prayers said for me and all the people in my life. It feels like me and everyone important to me is hurting for some reason or another and it's so exhausting. Does it ever end? There are few things I can talk about with a clear conscious but I'll let you in on the ones that are important to me: 

1) I will be completely devastated if I'm not able to be in Italy in January. I'm waiting on one more reference before my application's complete but that's not even why I'm worried. It seems like the card's are against me, what with my sister's wedding being next May (a week after I would return) and all the drama going on in my personal life. At what point are you allowed to be selfish and do things that are good for your soul without having to take in consideration everyone in the world's feelings?

2) So far, in the last month, I have had a fall job and an internship sort of fall through. It's so annoying to get excited about a resume-builder or an income only to have them stop maintaining communication. Like, they say, "You've got it. We'll be calling you." Then I don't hear from you. It can't be much more clear than that, now can it? 

3) I'm so, so tired of the commute to Norman already. Foreign languages at OU are five days a week; so on Tuesdays/Thursdays, I drive all the way to Norman for 50 minutes of Italian. Today, after the worst 12 hours ever, the awful parking on campus left me 10 minutes late for my first Italian Quiz. I missed the first 6 questions because they were audio questions and therefore missed 12 of 48 points without even getting to try. I left class just wanting to cry all over again. It was like every thing that could go wrong, went wrong, ya know? So I called Danielle and we went driving and got Sprittles. I swear, thank GOD for friends. 

I know all of this seems so trivial but there's just so, so much more. All that to say, I've been camping out at my grandparents and trying to sort through my stuff. I wish I could sit here and unload but I can't. If anyone's listening out there, just say a quick one tonight for me. I could use some help down here.

"Life is a succession of lessons that must be lived to be understood."

Helen Keller