If I Die Young

Inspired by an article in the Oklahoma Daily, I decided to write a college bucket list. Why, you may ask? Because I feel like it's important to have short-term goals to keep things spontaneous and fun and stuff. Just go with it. So I devised a short list and encourage any ideas you may have to offer:
1) Ride in a hot-air balloon.
2) Try real sushi; the gross, raw kind.
3) Ride a horse.
4) Go camping, but for real. With tents and fires and dehydrated food and no bathing. That's how they do it, right?
5) Go on a road trip to at least 5 states, including South Dakota and Washington State.
6) Sky-Dive (cliche, I realize).
7) Meet a celebrity.
8) Have ONE amazing Spring Break!
9) Go at least one semester with a 4.0.
10) Learn to ski! (That means a trip to Colorado, right?!)

Suggestions appreciated!

It Is Well With My Soul.

This is about to be super vague, but here goes:

This is one of those times in life when your world is rocked by people and circumstances completely out of your control. You think about it all the time, even when you don't know you are. You stop feeling hungry. You randomly start crying like an idiot. You understand.

Needless to say, I need some serious prayers said for me and all the people in my life. It feels like me and everyone important to me is hurting for some reason or another and it's so exhausting. Does it ever end? There are few things I can talk about with a clear conscious but I'll let you in on the ones that are important to me: 

1) I will be completely devastated if I'm not able to be in Italy in January. I'm waiting on one more reference before my application's complete but that's not even why I'm worried. It seems like the card's are against me, what with my sister's wedding being next May (a week after I would return) and all the drama going on in my personal life. At what point are you allowed to be selfish and do things that are good for your soul without having to take in consideration everyone in the world's feelings?

2) So far, in the last month, I have had a fall job and an internship sort of fall through. It's so annoying to get excited about a resume-builder or an income only to have them stop maintaining communication. Like, they say, "You've got it. We'll be calling you." Then I don't hear from you. It can't be much more clear than that, now can it? 

3) I'm so, so tired of the commute to Norman already. Foreign languages at OU are five days a week; so on Tuesdays/Thursdays, I drive all the way to Norman for 50 minutes of Italian. Today, after the worst 12 hours ever, the awful parking on campus left me 10 minutes late for my first Italian Quiz. I missed the first 6 questions because they were audio questions and therefore missed 12 of 48 points without even getting to try. I left class just wanting to cry all over again. It was like every thing that could go wrong, went wrong, ya know? So I called Danielle and we went driving and got Sprittles. I swear, thank GOD for friends. 

I know all of this seems so trivial but there's just so, so much more. All that to say, I've been camping out at my grandparents and trying to sort through my stuff. I wish I could sit here and unload but I can't. If anyone's listening out there, just say a quick one tonight for me. I could use some help down here.

"Life is a succession of lessons that must be lived to be understood."

Helen Keller

Autobiographies

Perhaps you're wondering if The Help was any good. Ya know, that new movie with Emma Stone? Let me tell you right now: it was fantastic; albeit a complete bawl-buster. There's about 5 subplots featuring the different women and only ONE of them has any sort of happy ending. Basically, see this movie if you've had an awful week and you're feeling sorry for yourself. And if anyone is dying to see it or even a little curious at all, call me because I plan to see it several more times. And let it be noted: If I ever grow up to have a life that merits a screenplay, please make them cast Emma Stone as me! I just love her so much.

Also, did you know that weddings are completely overpriced? Who knew! I mean, this planning business has led me to start subconsciously planning my own (I know, I know, so sue me) and it's ridiculous how much money they cost. They can be the price of a new car or a down-payment on a small house or the cost of international adoption or a couple of years of college. GEEZ. Poor parents of girls. Now I don't blame those parents who engage in gender selection. Joke. Actually I do, because it contradicts my bio-ethical standards. But seriously, we have 3 girls in our family. I guess it'd only be polite to put off marriage for at least 5 years, right?

Burlap & Gold

Throughout my life, I have been blessed with friendships I consider uniquely beautiful. I have watched some grow from nothings into large somethings while other major somethings awkwardly digressed into nothings. I wish some wise, experienced person could tell me how to handle losing a major something. You know, those people you can't picture your life without. For as long as I can remember, I always knew my seasonal friends from my closest friends; but I also felt that the strength of my friendships were especially rare. God, in his infinite wisdom, placed people in my life who were inarguably fantastic and complemented my personality exactly. Anyone who knew us would agree that we were so similar. So how does one explain how you just fall out of friendship, like people fall out of love?

I've gotten over the fresh sting of losing them and I don't lose sleep or get disgustingly sentimental; but I can't even explain to the curious bystander how we unraveled years of spending vacations together, sharing everything down to a toothbrush, having an incestuous dating history, and giggling over the stupidest things until the wee hours of the morning.

Perhaps you've also heard it said:

"Some people weave burlap into the fabric of our lives, and some weave gold thread. Both contribute to make the whole picture beautiful and unique."


Is it possible, though, that a friendship that I always considered to be the gold thread, slowly became the piece of burlap?